Must Read

  Ok I have big plans to share the saga of our home spruce up and repair. I hate to ruin anything by jumping far into the story. So the house details will be given out in a vague way in this post.
 

Let me just say that we innocently decided to do a little home refresh. Like all projects it got bigger and bigger and things happened. All that is normal stuff. We then let me say after we completed the job we discovered a water issue. Now all details will unfold in the coming weeks so stay tuned. What I will say is that this family is stressed, tired and fed up. So nerves are a bit exposed. May I also say that in general I am a breath away from a lunatic if provoked; you don’t want to bring out my dark side less than diplomatic when required.  

Fast forward to today.
Utah Disaster is here finishing up something that you will hear about in the near future. It’s my spouses 37^th birthday and he is over everything and does not care or want it observed. I have made a point of decorating and making a big deal out of it for the first time since he was 21 because I am obviously trying to make him jump out of a window  trying to cheer him up. Oh did I mention I put up tons of over the hill balloons.  

He had a previous day of important work appointments cancelled because his out of town colleague’s flight was cancelled into Utah. He was plagued by other super fun work delays and frustrations all day as well. The decided to hang the light fixtures that I had run to Lowes to get. The light fixtures that didn’t need to be replaced, I just wanted them replaced. I had been consistently nagging about them. Earlier in the day I had picked them up and consulted him only by text photo.  

So he begins to try to shut down the power to the room. That of course should turn into an hour long process as kids are involved on summer break that could care less to really be cooperative and I can’t help because I’m working. So finally the power is out and he begins. This is when I realize that the glass pendant shades may be a problem. 2 of the 3 don’t have the black top thingy that has the white thingy you need for installation. So I pack up the 2 and head for Lowes. Well I walk up to a timid not equipped for the jenn gray experience kid. His name is Conrad. His name probably really was the thing that set me off. I had a bad experience earlier in May with a kid at the ATT place with a dumb C name too.  

Anywho I wait for Conrad to handle something else in a way that told me oh no Conrad is new. I wait and wait and then just leave my belonging at the counter and head back to get replacement glass pieces so that I can move along the process. Well half their inventory has the plastic things and half don’t, oh yeah and none of the remaining ones like I bought do. So I grab 2 of another type and head up. The rest is in slow motion so I will try to relay that in my typing. I hand the 2 shaded to Conrad and say I just purchased 3 of this shade a few hours ago. 1 has the plastic thing needed for installation and 2 didn’t. Can I have you just remove the plastic thing from these 2 and give them to me? It seemed so simple.  

He fiddles around looking for a pair of scissors and then says hang on. He then consults with someone else who says call electronics. Grrr so close. He calls electronics. You can see the guy in electronics stand by isle 9 and ignore that call. Then you guessed it Conrad helps 4-5 other people. All of which say I think she was first signaling to me) he replies to them each time no she has been helped. Really Conrad, have I really been helped.

Then an older lady from the garden dept rolls up. Conrad replays the story to her for her to help me. She wanders away with one of my glass shields only to return many minutes later and say to Conrad call so and so and ask if we sell these as parts somewhere in the store, we can just sell her a few. I then say I am not paying for anything, I have already paid. She then walks away after placing my shield down. 4-5 more people are helped repeat the last verse. Oh then the older lady slowly walks up and says sorry we don’t have any more like this one, we don’t sell it. You may want to call some other stores. Enter freak out Jenn Gray style.

It was controlled JG melt down but a slow warm melt was set to boiling when she walked away to get a manager and the husband called. The already annoyed husband had no prior knowledge of said melt down when he called to say that the pendants I bought look stupid and are poor quality. That he wants me to come back and get them and return them. Oh the lid blew off the pan. Husband in the left ear and manager in the right saying I’ve been told we don’t stock these anymore. You wanted to return them? I won’t repeat the rest of that Lowes trip because then merchants wouldn’t let me in their doors in the greater Riverton area.

 I left and returned home to have the husband say I didn’t need the plastic thing to install by the way AND that he wanted me to get the other ones from my text pics not the ones I got AND that only one he liked was the chandelier. Well I just told everyone at Lowes I was never shoping their again and that I would be right back to return the entire purchase so I really didn’t want him to like any of it. May I also say that every boxed light fixture purchased of late has looked like it was dragged behind a truck. This one did too. So I held out hope he would open it and it would be broken. Upon a swift review…shucks no it looked perfect.  I then noticed the shields or whatever you call them were frosted glass not white glass.

I tried for 24 minutes of installation to convince him I wasn’t having that and that it should go back. Enter the last rod installation and a huge rust spot on the metal. Further enter taking it down silently and packing it up, then to have the box collapsed into and unusable pile. Then to pull the car out to load and have it start to randomly and heavily rain. Then enter the husband making himself tea, lock himself in the bedroom and draw himself a bath.

So I took the kids loaded them in the car and we headed to Lowes. I assume they have a picture of me behind the register that says be nice keep your head sown nod and move swiftly and with purpose and no one will get hurt. She returns my entire purchase and I go to leave. My eldest kid then says let’s just get the other light fixtures here and go to dinner. OK fine I will just do that. We go in and begin the search. The issue is that 2 flush ceiling mounts boob lights three pendants and a chandelier all need to match in metal and glass color and style to a ceiling fan in the room and to each other, have to be good quality and have to be in stock and the box can’t look like it’s been opened, fondled, returned or dropped.

The details of this adventure sorted and can be left to the imagination. Some highlights were someone asking if they could help and being warned that they may not want to take me on as a project because he looked like a nice man with a family I was prone to violence. That was really the only highlight of the shopping. Now to check out. Oh yeah and the manager who dealt with me earlier behind the counter. The nice girl who returned my stuff was the one to ring me up. She then said aren’t you the woman that had to return all those bathroom fixtures recently because they had been previously opened and the screws were all stripped? She said you don’t have good luck with lighting purchases do you? Oh man the manager runs over and says have you had more trouble than just tonight? I briefly ran down my story and then told him the whole story about the earlier trip that he strolled up on 99% into. Well the dude took 10% off my order and gave me close out prices on the items that were not on sale. He then helped us to the car. Let me tell you that’s a luxury I have not had from that store yet. Don’t mind me that lady in heels with two carts full of crap I just bought…help me.  Anyway we are loading the stuff In the car and the eldest dropped the bag of 15 flood light bulbs on the parking lot asphalt smashing them!!!!!!! He gave me new ones for free. YAY.

Then we went to go get dinner. I figure I would bring the birthday man a slice of French silk from VI. Um not kidding the building is being painted so they were closed. Ugh now what. We decided OG would be close with the French silk so they won. This is the semi funny part. The kids warn the server right away that I am kind of feisty today. So he thinks he is funny all night when he makes feisty comments and checks on the table and the mom on the edge…lol. Then his server assistant comes over to introduce himself and see if we need water or anything. My son said did he warn you about her. Poor kid looked really concerned. As he walks away I say West I think you made his serving partner worried. He replies MOM that’s so rude and he can hear you. You sound so Sexist. I say how exactly is that sexist? He replies, you know they are partners. Oh Lord wine almost came out of my nose. It was then that I realized we were having a dinner, without the birthday dude, sad. Oh also my nearly 12 year old decided that’s what she said jokes were going to be a good idea (I don’t think he knows what that means). After most normal things it’s pretty dirty sounding, try it and see.

I’m exhausted, that was just too much for one night (that’s what she said).